Prayer Beads

I am drawn to these beads.

Originally bought for a slightly different purpose, they became such a part of my devotion to You that I felt the need to alter them. Take off the little figure at the end, change it to a key. But then I was forcing prayers to fit a format that didn't feel best, so I completely took things apart and restrung the beads, tying the knots between each of them.

It was months of writing the prayers. Editing. Swapping. Rewording. When they were finally right, I expected them to change again because that's what kept happening. But, no...this time, they were right!

But then the beads weren't. The key was right, but needed different beads. I chose beads carved from the right stones, tied the knot...but they needed a different key. I put the right key on them. They felt so beautiful in my hands...and then I knew they weren't for me to use.

You know those beads. They lay on Your altar.

But there were other beads, made from a different stone! I just couldn't get the layout to work. It couldn't be the same design. That wasn't right for these beads. When I finally had the right layout, I didn't like the numbers. Things had to be adjusted. And they were the right beads for the key! Everything was right...except they didn't fit me. They didn't flow through my hands like they should. Nothing was wrong with them. The stones were right for me. They key was right for me. The stones and key were right for each other. Something just didn't match with me, no matter how much I worked to get used to using them.

But these wood beads, still strung as they were when I took the key off, called to me again. Months of sitting in a drawer, but I still knew where they were as soon as I felt the call. They needed a different key than before. I was hesitant. I thought the key was too important. Going back to these beads had to mean moving the key again! 

No, it didn't. They needed a different key.

And then they flowed through my hands again.

I don't know why. I trust that You do know why. The whole process has felt like You were guiding me. I made mistakes, and You gently redirected me. This process needed to happen. I may not fully understand what I have gained from this, but I know the understanding will be there if/when I need it.

Thank You, Glorious Hekate, for guiding me.