Virtual Hekatesion

I thought it was all of the unresolved past that's tied up in us having to leave, and why we had to come here. Then I thought it might be direction to call upon the Ancestors more, though that raised a few more questions and didn't really answer anything.  I woke up today knowing what I needed to do. It was such a Not Me thing that there's been surprise that I did it! The information I got was not what we wanted, but I've been told I did the right thing and have been very helpful. That it was needed. That I did the hard work. And in that information I got...Oh! Unresolved past! Big work that is needed! Were You warning me, Mother? Did I follow Your message?  If I have understood it properly, I thank You for Your guidance. If I have still missed the message, please lead me to clarity.

Glorious Hekate. Soul of rhe World. Unconquerable Queen. Mother. Sharing my vulnerability is even harder than I thought it would be. Worrying, second guessing myself, trying not to let the habits that have been necessary for survival for so long take over. But it is not a promise I regret making. I have no misgivings about holding to it. I'm thankful that I made this promise. I'm thankful for the safety I experience in keeping it. Often lately, I find that when I take time in the day for gratitude, I'm thankful for being devoted to You. I'm thankful for having space for devotion to You, other Shining Ones, and the Ancestors. I'm thankful for being aware of house spirits. I'm thankful for being thankful. That gratitude is so precious. I don't want to lose it in all this stress. I think setting the habit of taking that time each day will help me not lose it. I feel that I'm already becoming overstressed, and I feel what my fear is doing to me. In some ways...

Do I sound like I'm trying to bribe You if I say I can serve You better from this place we're hoping to move to? I honestly worry about what the truth might sound like in stressful situations. And do I even really know what it is to serve You? It's not exactly a secret between us that I've worried about that for a long time. Always concerned that I'm convincing myself, but that You would have something different to say.  Then I look at it all again... How You have so many forms, and how You are the Soul of the World. How You have protected and guided me. How I have no doubts about devoting myself to You, not even when I have doubts about how I express my devotion. Do I truly believe I can serve You better in the place we want to move to? Yes, I do. It's a place where we can be safe, heal, and thrive. A place that puts me out in the woods and close to water. A place that gives me opportunities I haven't had in years, and other opportunities I've never had...

Mother Hekate... Sometimes I question why I call You Mother. I don't want to make the mistake of simply repeating things from the dominant religion in a new way. But You have seen me through so much, and I treasure Your guidance and our bond. I comitted myself to You in a way that I haven't with other Shining Ones since I started along this path. It is meaningful - deeply meaningful - for me to call You Mother.  Maybe my mind went in that direction because it has to do with the past, and how the past influences the future. I explained our current situation when I was in the temple tonight. I'm calling for help from everyone I can - Shining Ones, Mighty and Beloved Ancestors, Spirits, and even just helpful thoughts and wishes from those who are living but cannot help in any other way. I've made the same proposal to Hermes as I did the last time we moved.  The card I drew for guidance from You was the card of Unresolved Past. There's a lot of that mixed in with our cu...

Mother, I don't know what to do right now. That sounds like a crisis. Maybe it is. Maybe it's not. What I really mean is that part of me says I should wait until I've had some time to process what I've learned before I talk to You, but another part of me says I should start now so that I don't leave You out of any part of it. I don't know which of those is the right choice, but I think staying quiet if I wasn't supposed to could do more harm.  We have to leave. It will make sense if part of me starts looking at things like we won't be at this crossroads anymore, but I'm not sure that I'd take myself seriously. There's an option we're looking at that would be worth whatever we lose. And if we're losing something here, we're going to lose it anyway. Staying isn't an option. The option we're looking at... We don't know for sure yet that it's doable, but we want it to be. There are things it would heal for all of us. F...

There was a time when I knew where I was, Mother. I wasn't happy. In fact, I was miserable and desperate for things to change. But I knew where I was. I knew who I was.  I've been wandering for a while now. I don't know if my Beloved Dead are reaching out to me, or if I just want to believe that for comfort. So I haven't been taking it seriously, other than the dreams that felt like warnings. I might even have misunderstood those. I appreciate the messages I get from You in rituals, but I don't feel as close to You as I used to. I remind myself that You are She Who Works From Afar, and that I don't have to always feel close to You in order to be guided by You. But now, as I'm getting scared about things that could be happening in the background in the town again, I worry that maybe I've been letting You down. That maybe I have weakened our bond. I miss Hermes. I try to tell myself whatever is happening in town will be fine because Hermes is our protector...