Posts

What do I want?

I briefly debated with myself whether to write this in my journal, or here. There are ways that my journal is like a book full of prayers. As time goes by, I feel I've been growing toward everything being an act of devotion. But my journal was going to be written no matter what. I keep it open to the Shining Ones, Ancestors, and Spirits, but it's not quite the same as how everything I write here is written specifically to share with You. So I decided this should be written here. Offered to You.  Mother, I think maybe the reason I've never found my "purpose" in life is because I always thought it should be one clearly defined thing. My purpose is to wander. To learn. To experience things. I've been doing it all along, thinking it would lead me to where I'm supposed to be, while I was being my Self the whole time. And I love doing that. I want many more years of learning. Truthfully, I want an eternity of it. I know that can't happen in this body, with t...

Where are we going?

The question applies in multiple ways, Mother.  We were supposed to be making the move this weekend, but the schedule has been thrown off. And now there's fear that the seller might back out. I'm hoping, though, that she'll decide she has more to lose by backing out and it's a safer bet to give us more time. Stress and trauma are making people sick. And I know it's good, long term, that this ordeal has sparked spiritual growth for me. I am thankful for that. Right now, though, it's not all comforting. I know it's not supposed to be. In fact, that's part of how I know this will be good. But I'm confused right now. I'm thankful for Your guidance. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to follow, though. I don't know how much this will change my devotional practice. I don't know if this virtual space has reached the end of what it's been for. I need to be in our new home, setting up a new physical space. I'm lost and terrified, but I ...

Mercy, Please

Mother Hekate, I praise You! I am so thankful to have found You in Durga! Not only has this shown me a connection between You and Ganesha, I also feel it can open ways for me to understand You. I know I can never fully understand You, but I want as much as I am capable of.  Mother, I must ask for Your mercy and blessing. Things are going very wrong with it being time for the move, and we are terrified. If there have been things we didn't do right, it's been honest mistakes. The lender has not been explaining things. In some cases, my spouse has even gone beyond what should be rightly expected of them to get what has been requested. We do not have the power to make everything go right in this situation. The people who do have the power have handled it in ways that now put us at risk. Please help us, Mother. We've been working hard to get to our new home. And the woman we are buying the home from has children, and they all need the money. The people who have been mishandling ...

Gratitude

Mother Hekate, I want to end today with gratitude.  I'm thankful for the time that I spend in prayer and meditation. I'm thankful for the new house. We're not there yet, but I've been thankful since we found it. I'm thankful for elephants. I'm thankful for my plant friends. I'm thankful for octopodes, humpback whales, manta rays, and sea turtles. I'm thankful for catfish. I'm thankful for koi. I'm thankful for rocks. I'm thankful for Ganesha. I'm thankful for all my years so far with You. I'm thankful for everything Hermes has done for us in these past six years. I'm thankful for the Lake Monster. I'm thankful for being thankful.

Mother of the Universe

Thousands of offenses are committed by me day and night; considering me Your servant, O Supreme Goddess, forgive them all. I know not how to invoke You, nor how to bid You farewell, nor even how to worship You; forgive me, O Supreme Goddess. O Goddess of the gods, though my worship lacked mantra, rite, and devotion, may whatever I have offered be made complete. Even one who commits a hundred offenses, if they call out 'Mother of the Universe,' attains a state not reached even by Brahma and the gods. Full of faults, I have taken refuge in You, O Mother of the Universe; I am now worthy of compassion — do with me as You wish. Whatever I have done wrongly, too little or too much, through ignorance, forgetfulness, or delusion — forgive it all and be gracious, O Supreme Goddess. O Kameshvari, Mother of the World, embodiment of being-consciousness-bliss, accept this worship with love and be gracious, O Supreme Goddess. O guardian of the most secret of secrets, accept the prayer I have...

Nine Nights

Khaire Mother Hekate!  Thank You for Your guidance, Mother. While I don't see things as just one pantheon of Shining Ones with different names in different cultures, I do believe some Shining Ones have multiple roles throughout the world. And You, Mother, are not generally limited by lines anyone draws. As I step with more awareness into my devotion to Ganesha, this has raised questions for me. Learning about Maa Durga and the Night Nights gives me more of a feeling for where I might find You in these stories. The arrival on a bull didn't not go unrecognized by me. I don't know where this is all going. I don't know where I'm being led, what I'm being trained for... But I trust You, and I trust Ganesha. And so I thank You.

Grief and Overwhelm

Mother Hekate, I thank You and praise You! You have guided me again and again, including times when I was unaware. Even now, as scared and confused as I am, I trust that You are still guiding me.  We lost a member of our family today. The way she came to us was very special, and I thought she would be going home with us. I know my mind often assigns meaning to things as a way of trying to create a structure I can process. I also know I often understand things as they happen in ways that don't become clear to other people until much later. Part of me wonders if this family member bought our way back home, or if her job here was finished because we are going home. The parallels in how she joined us and when she left stand out.  And there's another part of me that says I'm grasping at things because we don't have time to grieve. Whichever it is, Mother - or whatever else it may be - she is with You. There's still a certain level of fear about our future because going h...