Protection and Defense

Glorious Dark Mother Hekate! For so long, the stories others told of You did not match up to how I know You. In some cases, those stories simply were not true...told by those who wish to brag of being blessed with Your power when they do not actually know You. In some cases, though, the stories were told by those who have come to know You in different ways. You hold many titles and fill many roles. I don't think any mortal fully knows You.

I have struggled with understanding how some of Your names could exist when others also exist. You have blessed me with knowing You in very loving and nurturing ways. You have taken my hand and guided me. You have shown not just mercy, but kindness, patience, and the love of a stern teacher. You have held me up when I could not stand on my own. You have led me through so much, and the only time I know You have ever turned me away was when You did not let me pass through those Gates. You have been and are a perfect Mother. It has been my struggle to understand how the stories say You can also be so harsh, dangerous, cold, cruel, and unforgiving.

Oh, but doesn't one side have another side? The heads and tails of a coin, the phases of the moon, the roll of the polyhedral dice. And You are so much more than anything so simple! The mother bear who protects and nurtures her cubs must be ready to fight a male bear. She cannot be loving and nurturing to him. The owl who hunts at night and makes such silent, swift, and deadly moves also feeds and teaches her babies. These are not separate things. What it looks like depends on which side it is experienced from.

I thank You, Mother, for blessing me with the kindness, guidance, and love that I need. I don't claim to understand it all now, but I at least understand enough to know that I would be disrespectful to think You cannot be so cold and harsh because you have been so kind and gentle. I did not understand before, but my understanding has grown. I thank You for that guidance. There is a lot of growing and learning happening for me. So many things still locked behind doors, but I didn't even know the doors were there before. You have given me so much of Your patience. I must be patient with myself as I make this progress.

I need to ask for Your help in a way that I didn't expect from myself. I have been angry, hurt, and scared in the past, and attempted to resolve issues in ways I could not fully put my heart into. Sabotaged my own work because I could not truly accept what the results would be if I didn't. It is my nature to give others room to learn. Mother, I have to accept that not everyone wants to learn. I can give them love, patience, guidance, and space, but those who do not want to learn will, at best, ignore it with no appreciation. At worst, they will turn it against me and use my love as a weapon to do more harm to me.

You know the people in my life, and which ones walking away from truly is not an option and why that is the case. I ask for Your protection, Mother, and defense against the harm. I ask that eyes be opened, hearts be revealed, and accountability happens. That if responsibility is not taken, consequences cannot be ignored or passed to someone else. I have said to others that you cannot give what you don't have, so you have to have your best in order to give your best. While I have encouraged others to see that, I have failed to apply it to myself. That has to change. I cannot keep accepting what I have accepted until now. I cannot give You my best if I don't have my best. There are Others who should be getting my best. I give all of You the best that I have...but that's not really the same as giving my best. I need the best so that I can give it. That means I need doors unlocked and obstacles removed. Problems handled. Issues dealt with.

Some have taken advantage of me for too long. That has to stop. I ask for Your guidance for myself, as well as Your protection and defense. And if they will not learn, then I ask for Your help in accepting whatever it is You do in order to protect and defend me. I ask for help understanding that Pammetor and Brimo are both Glorious Hekate.