Back and Forth, Ebb and Flow

Glorious Mother Hekate! Torchbearer! You who led Demeter to find Persephone!

Mother, I come to You again weighed down by the traps other people in my life keep setting.

I am thankful for the blessings I have been given, and those blessings give me hope that I'm on the right path. That my requests align with the work You and Others want done. These blessings have given me so much hope!

And every few days, someone in my life tries to take that hope away from me. They aren't targeting me. I admit, Dark Mother, that I sometimes wish they were. That would mean I matter to them, even if in a toxic way. It's sometimes worse to see that those who are closest to me, whose daily lives are woven together with mine - those who are called family - will make choices that have great impact on my life without considering me at all. They treat me like I don't matter. Like I'm a minor circumstance that popped up and should just be brushed aside in all of their planning.

Back and forth, back and forth...great, healing blessings and traumatic torment. Mother, I ask you to take down these obstacles! Let the healing wash away everything that holds me back! I know there are lessons that sometimes must be learned in painful ways. I know how metal is forged, and how light shines in darkness. I'm not asking to always be comfortable. These situations are unhealthy, though, and I recover a little less from each one. The damage lingers. They make me weaker, not stronger. And I have held on for so long that I'm now afraid of losing my grip.

The attacks. The excuses. The carelessness. The being told to heal while being denied what is needed for healing.

I want to run away...but there is nowhere safe to go. And so I come to You. You, Mother, have kept me safe before. You have rescued me when I wasn't safe. You have guided me when I have been lost.

I am scared, Hekate. The terror is a torture of its own. I have used all the words I have, yet feel I haven't said all that I need to say. But I know those words aren't all necessary with You. I know that I can simply open myself to You. So I am open for You now, Mother. Please, heal my pain and fear. Protect me. Teach those who harm me what happens when they come between You and one of Your children.

Show me my roots.

Show me my crown.

From the stats to the grave, and all that is Between.