Weakness

Mother, I thank You for being my guide on this journey! Khaire Hekate!

I am continuing my work to deepen and strengthen trust, and to not be constantly editing myself to hold things back from You. So today I am here to tell You I don't like feeling weak. I fear weakness in myself. And I'm having a very hard time with it right now. I have either contracted illness from someone else, or the physical strain lately has worn my body down...maybe a little of both. And to add to that, there is a family member who regularly says and does things that make me feel weak.

And yet...

Mother, You have seen me before in my weakest moments. That's how I came to know You. So there's this part of me that asks how this can possibly be weakness when such wondrous experiences can come from it! And there's another part of me that recognizes that's what happened then, but can only see weakness and being trapped now. And I worry about what fighting with myself like this might do to create obstacles on this journey.

I have been doing work the past few months that has been very emotionally difficult for me. I think it has been important, though. Like a purging of toxins. That work is almost done. It is leaving me rattled and tired, though, and I feel that reminder within myself to turn to You for guidance. I fear the weakness, Mother, and I look for Your light.