Terror

Glorious, Terrifying Hekate Brimo! Rarely do I call upon this aspect of You. As I call upon You now, I find myself wondering if You were present That Night. I always think of things as You having chosen to send me back rather than let me pass through the gates, but I also recognize how my upbringing presented the concept of passing through gates at death. Different gates, but I recognize the influence. But I have learned since then, and I have learned that You aren't so simple. So I wonder now...just how did I survive? It may not be time for the answer. I do not call upon You in order to ask this question.

A situation has awoken the Rage Monster. That part of me that will sacrifice anything for survival. I cannot afford those sacrifices. I have learned to understand the Rage Monster. I understand how she came to be, and why it is her nature not to understand the long term effects of the sacrifices. It's not her fault that I cannot afford to trust her. It's neither her fault nor mine that she is part of me. You know that it has taken almost a decade of healing for me to reach the point of being able to see her with compassion and claim her as part of myself. And now there is a threat to that healing.

I would ask other aspects of You for guidance, comfort, reassurance. Brimo, I need Your specialties. This cannot go on! This cannot be done again! It shouldn't be done this time! I ask, Brimo, that You give them reasons to fear ever doing it again. They have had time and many opportunities to learn. I have been kind and gentle. I have been harsh, though softened a bit by kindness. I have been patient. I have given education. They take advantage of my kindness. They trigger my fear in order to control me when they know they are wrong. And they convince themselves that they had no choice, no other valid options...that it was all "out of their hands".

They reject responsibility and accountability. And we go through it again, and this time it goes too far and costs too much. So I must ask this time, Brimo, that You be the Rage Monster they will fear. 

For as long as I live in this house, I give thanks to Hermes! The decisions and actions (and inactions) of those who have put me in the current situation show disrespect to Hermes. My agreement with him benefits some of them, but it is my agreement with him...not theirs. I ask that the Patron of this house - Hermes - give protection. I gladly pay what I owe to him. Not just because it is the agreement, but also out of gratitude. Any punishment that would be given through the house would punish those of us who do not deserve it, including the spirits of the house and the land. I ask that the house not be used in that way. I ask for the house to be a place of protection and healing. I ask that this be a safe place so that I may continue with paying what I owe to Hermes.

Oh, but You, Brimo...! One of Your greatest weapons is the mind and emotions of whoever is experiencing Your wrath! This is about breaking these cycles, not feeding excuses for them to continue, so I ask that You give comprehension with the pain. If they cannot treat me well from compassion and love, then I have to be willing to let them treat me well because they fear what You stir in them! 

They are giving me terror that brings harm. Brimo, I ask You to give them terror that will throw open gates for healing!