In those moments...

Mother, You know those moments when the burden and the strain disconnect me from my own body. When I both do and do not exist for what I've been told is just a few minutes. When I have no control over what my body does while the very essence of what it is to be myself is somehere else, closing myself off in a state where nothing can reach me.

And I call to You when I can. When I can see that storm of terror coming, or when I know the eye of the storm has passed and the backside won't be so strong. Or, like today, I tried to call to You. The words were already unraveling and hiding, but I tried.

I don't call to You to end the storm. I know why it happens. No matter how I feel about the fact that it happens, I understand why. I call to You to be closer to You in those moments so that I know I am not alone and the storm will not destroy me. I will still be here after it has passed.

I don't know what could be done about the words unraveling. That's part of the storm. But when the words don't exist for me, my heart still calls out to You. Most humans depend on some form of words for communication. It is a great disability for those who cannot communicate with words because the people around them cannot understand however it is that communication works for the person with no words. I need to remember that it doesn't have to work that way for everyone. You are not human. You do not have those limitations. You can know when I reach out without the words.