Questions, Doubts, and Wonderings

Khaire Hekate! The work I am doing, that I asked that You guide me so that it does not lead me away from You, has been a strange experience so far. Both foreign and familiar. Sometimes I start to worry that it is, in fact, leading me away from You, but then... little things. Little hints. Little connections. And I see it is leading me to understand You in ways that I couldn't without this experience.

And then the questions! Do I understand You at all? Is it truly possible for me to understand You, even in small ways? I fear the answer to the question of what it truly means for You to be Kleidoukhos. I also want to find that answer! Maybe the fear is a fear that I already found it, and how it would be that I had found it. I wonder about polytheism, henotheism, and monotheism. How monotheism can sometimes blur the lines, and be blurred by those lines, of the others. I ask myself if it's possible that You are all of the Immortal Ones, and if even that is just a tiny fraction of who and what You are. 

And then I ask myself why I am asking. The debate I've had with myself so many times! The religion I grew up in does not teach of the Immortal One they are devoted to the way their ancestors did. While my view of the teachings changed, I wonder sometimes if the approach is still too comfortable for me and it's only the details that changed. But I also believe there is Truth to be found in everything, and the challenge is that we can't always discern where that Truth is. That religion that I grew up in didn't allow for all of these questions to be asked. Doubts were seen as weakness when looked upon kindly, and as evil when there was no kindness. 

I don't think it's impossible for all Immortal Ones to be part of You and still exist individually. That depends on who and what You are. The Greek myths tell us that Zeus praises You before all others, and that You kept your domains. Maybe Zeus understands You and knew Your domains couldn't be taken from You. If I worry too much about where the lines are on different types of whatever-theism, I'm not looking for Truth. I'm just worrying over systems that were created by humans. Those concerns have their place at times, but I don't really think this is their place.

As I explore the questions and ideas in my mind, I realize this counts as prayer. It is a form of offering. Offering myself. But how do I offer myself when I've always belonged to You? So many questions...and I am thankful that asking them is a form of worship, not of weakness.

Show me my roots. Show me my crown. From the stars to the grave, and all that is between!