You lead me...

Khaire Hekate!

Mother, You know the concerns...maybe more accurately, the anxieties...that have been roaming in my mind. You knew they would happen even before this started. That alone is something worth spending time meditating on...how the Immortal Ones know what will happen, how human lives are so short and predictable to You, and still You choose to bond with us. Yes, Mother, You knew the anxiety would come.

I asked You to guide me, and I said I would trust You even if I couldn't trust myself. I knew the chances of my hyperfocus leading me to neglect certain things. I knew the chances of my being overwhelmed causing some shutdown. I say it this way now, and I see how so many of the things my childhood religion blamed me for..."being led astray", "letting this come between yourself and the divine"... weren't sins at all. I have done things that religion counts as sin. I have done things most religions would count as sin. But being autistic was never sin. Of course, we didn't know then. Still...they labeled it "sin" and any explanation would have been dismissed as making excuses. 

But, You, Mother...You have worked with me. You heard my promises, knew my heart, and have held Your torches where I can see them in the dark! That deck of cards that will be here soon is a strong sign of guidance, and I thank You. When I didn't know You at all, others made it sound like You were cruel and that was just the price to be paid for being allowed to channel Your power. I didn't know then about Your many forms, or about how often You are misunderstood by some who like to claim they have Your blessings even when they don't. I can't say You've never had that relationship with someone. But there were many who made it sound like that's all that You are. Now...well, I find it very difficult to believe anyone who truly knows You could see You in such a limited way, no matter which aspect of You they claim to know best.

For years, You were only Kleidoukhos with me. I knew there were other aspects of You, but that is the only aspect I personally knew. Even now, I only know You a few different ways. Each aspect of You is divine, and even if these are the only few ways I ever know You, this is so much more than I could have possibly asked for!