Fear

We did this once. In many ways, we've been doing it all along. Names change, years change, methods change. At the core, it's been a very long "same shit, different day".

I'm tired of doing it over and over. There are others who are even more exhausted than I am. There's a lot of fear. There are also people who have been so afraid for so long they've almost forgotten their hearts weren't meant to always beat so fast.

I do not lose faith in You, Mother. 

In the religion I grew up in, we were often told the Immortal One who was the focus "works in mysterious ways", but people did not put their full trust in that concept. Interpretations of things were constantly changed to fit the very human desires of preachers, all while telling us it was what the Immortal One wanted and that we would be eternally punished for not complying. Even now, they frequently demand the exact opposite of what they say their divine text names as the commandments of their Immortal One. And there is always the insistence that this Immortal One is very involved in each second of everyone's life.

Mother, Your ways truly are mysterious to me. I simply do not fully understand the scale of things. To even say "Hekate is playing the long game" would be seriously underplaying what it is that You do. I understand that much. But while I fought with myself for years to understand how an Immortal One could possibly be involved in every second of every life, and continued to doubt the idea, I believe it is true for You. I understand You in a different way, so it doesn't seem so impossible. The way I understand "involved", though... I think it causes You pain that I cannot understand. I think You could control it all, and I trust that You have reasons for not doing so that we wouldn't really want You to change.

Part of how I continue to trust You is that it's all so mysterious. You have never led me in the wrong direction. When I have been afraid that I might be taking the wrong steps all on my own, You have led me back or shined a light to reassure me. I don't end up needing to make excuses for You, or convince myself that You must have changed the rules. You say little, and You do what You say. Actually, You do so much more than You say! It does include what You say, though. I have always known You to be honest.

I don't know where things are going. I don't know how we'll get there. Tonight, there are many people who put all their hope in a plan that was too simple, and they're now afraid it is being destroyed. I don't know yet if we will get the clearer path or the path so many of us are only seeing as a dead end of doom. I do know the clearer path isn't one that should be taken for granted as easy, and the other path isn't completely impossible. But I also know the clearer path would mean more of us safely make it through. We will lose too many of the not completely impossible path. And too many of those we lose will be forgotten. We need to stay away from that path, and yet so many of us keep trying to force each other in that direction.

I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what will go right. I don't know what will go wrong. I do understand a great number of the risks. I'm scared. I also know You will be with us all along the way, holding the torch and the keys. I trust Your guidance, Mother.