Letting Go of the Beloved

Mother Hekate, She Who Dwells Among the Mighty and Beloved Dead...

This is going to be hard. Maybe not as hard as I fear, but I can't see any way it won't be hard.

I knew Hermes wanted my attention when the bracelet fell off, but I didn't know why. And I'm so thankful it was fixed! And then the same thing from You with the key. I thought maybe Hermes was just starting a pattern so I would see it with the key. As far as I currently know, that still could be what happened. However it happened, You got my attention.

I know one of our Beloved Ones is ready to leave this form of life. I'm scared, Mother. Her brother is so very precious to me, and I don't know how to make it through next year without him, but he's never had to make it through even a single day without her. They come from the same litter. They were together even before they took their first breaths.

I'm scared. I'm scared for him. And if he can't make it longer without her, then I'm scared for myself. And I can't help but remember the last time we lost Beloved Ones at this time of year. Three. One, and then just weeks later, two within days of each other. Five years ago. I keep looking at the numbers, hoping for some pattern that will show me what's happening. We lost one recently. We're close to losing another now.

I'm scared. I'm not even asking You to calm my fear. I'm just stating how real it is. 

You know what kind of creature she is, Mother. We have a story that tells us these creatures are sacred to You. I will ask that her fear be calmed and her pain be eased, if she has any.

She's fiery! Or...she has been until recently. I want to believe her spirit is still fiery even if her body is tired. She's worthy of being a companion to You, Mother! Yes, I know...I think that of all non-human animals. But how could I not think it? You know how I love them!

I don't have anything to offer. Nothing that I can see as worthy offering for what I'm asking. But I have given You honesty about my fear. And I have spoken in favor of her becoming Your companion. And I have come to You in this moment when everything hangs in the kind of space that I agreed before I would come to You for. Maybe that's all I should offer. Maybe I just wish I had more. I'm still learning to understand that.

However this goes, thank You, Mother. The grief may give me rage, but deep in my heart I know You guide it all. Just because You don't manage each detail to save us from everything doesn't mean You aren't here. I understand that. I have to remind myself sometimes that it doesn't all work the way I was told as a child. It's not always easy, but I'm thankful that You guide me and shine Your torch on what I need to see.