At the Gate

Glorious Mother Hekate! I praise You whether I understand You or not! That may not be a traditional praise (or maybe it is, since I don't know all of how You've been praised across the ages) but it is a sincere one.

We've come around to the endings of multiple cycles, which also means the beginnings of multiple cycles. Cycles of this deeply personal experience that led me to You. Cycles of trauma and healing.

In this time - this year, these few weeks, this coming month, these next few days - it feels like I'm standing at a Gate. I remind myself that You hold the Keys. I remind myself that You bless me with access to the Keys I need. I remind myself that I hold the Keys.

One of those strange things that I see is how H.P. Lovecraft could have written some of his words about You. All it takes is a change of a Name.

Hekate knows the Gate.

Hekate IS the Gate.

Hekate is the Key and Guardian of the Gate.

Past. Present. Future.

All are One in Hekate.

It took a little more than just a name change. There's some slight restructuring of the statements. But maybe my favorite Old One who rarely really shows up in the stories is my favorite because I see You.

All these years later, I still don't understand. Not just that I don't have full comprehension of what happened and why, but even that the details never really line up. And there's no way of knowing what's missing, at least with some of the details. I don't understand why it led me to You. I don't know what is the cause and what is the effect in that relationship of events. And You know how I hate not understanding things. But I don't have to understand in order to be thankful for Your presence. I don't have to know why I was called in order to be thankful that I was called.

There are so many stories, songs, chants, and prayers that describe You in ways that bring fear, even revulsion. I have no doubt that You have been, are, and will be monstrous when needed. But, Mother, I have only seen You as beautiful. I've seen You beautiful in a variety of ways, but always only beautiful.

I'm scared. I'm scared of the old cycles. I'm scared of the new cycles. I'm scared of the Gate. I might even be scared of the Keys. And in some strange way, I'm also thankful that I'm here to be scared.