Purpose

Mother Hekate, I don't know why I'm here. I don't mean "why I exist". I don't believe each individual is created for a specific purpose. Like everything else in the universe, we come into existence as part of an ongoing series of events. We just happen. It's what we do with the existence that matters. 

I do believe it's possible to be chosen for a purpose. I don't believe being chosen makes someone "better" than others, or somehow "pure". I believe it happens because something about that person makes them qualified for what they were chosen for. To think it makes them a "better person" somehow would be like saying a professional athlete is a better person than everyone who isn't a professional athlete.

What I don't understand is why I am where I am in my life. What it is that I can do here. It seems like I have survived too much that wasn't meant to be survived for it to make sense for me to end up as trapped as I seem to be. And every time I get close to not being so trapped, strange things happen that put me back in and lock the trap more securely. I feel very confident that there is something I'm supposed to pay attention to, take action on, influence...but I don't understand what it is, or what I'm supposed to do. Or why it's me who needs to do it.

I prayed this year and took action for protection from someone who is part of that trap, and also for her to be exposed. I can't really say I didn't get the protection. I'm worried about where things are headed soon, but we aren't there yet. I don't see her being exposed and held accountable, though. She continues to do damage. 

I also believe that just because I don't see it doesn't mean it's not happening. And she has certainly revealed a weakness to me, though she doesn't even know enough to know that it is a weakness. I wonder sometimes if her ignorance and display of being outwardly overconfident to hide her inner insecurity will be enough to keep her from being accountable. She's made it a long way on defiance and intimidation. She makes claims, though, about powers and knowledge that she doesn't have. She misinforms the ones who do not know. She abuses and takes advantage. And it just seems like it has to backfire eventually. Those in her trap shouldn't have to wait for "eventually", though. I sometimes worry that I'm just not seeing how to unlock things.

I don't know what's coming. I know something is coming, though. I don't feel like it's a bad thing. I worry that something bad could come after, though. I don't understand. I don't know what to do.