The Bully

Khaire Mother Hekate! 

It was my intention to come to You tonight only with praise and gratitude. My daily devotional practice is opening new doors for me. I am growing in how I can express my devotion, honor the Ancestors, and how I understand these relationships. I'm starting to see that I did not lose my connection with Hermes. It shifts, and grows stronger in some ways. I have trusted You to guide me, and You have raised Your torches to light the path. Thank You, Mother! There are days when I look at my gratitude and I see that I am grateful just for being able to be so grateful!

That's what I wanted to take this time to say to You for most of the day. A conversation this evening added a concern that I need to bring to You. My stomach is in knots and I feel rage building inside myself. Please help me, Mother.

You know there is a member of our family who is a bully. She gets away with things because she keeps other members of the family afraid of what she might do in retaliation if she's held accountable for her behavior. Excuses are made for her...the same kinds of excuses wives have made for abusive husbands and children have made for abusive parents. She doesn't hit anyone, but of course physical violence is not the only form of abuse. There are too many things she's not being held accountable for, such as her irresponsibility and how her financial mismanagement makes everyone around her suffer. But tonight, it is one thing that stands out. Her use of ableism to ridicule others because she is insecure about her own lack of organization.

Mother, I have prayed many times over the years for protection from her. I can't say it's always felt like that blessing has been given, but I also know I can't fully understand how that works. Maybe it hasn't been given sometimes, and maybe I don't see why that was the best option. Other times, it didn't feel like protection on the surface, but things didn't get as bad as it had seemed they were headed. I know the Immortal Ones do not exist just to answer my prayers. I know this doesn't actually work the way it was presented to me when I was a child. Her behavior causes pain to multiple people, and is an influence in why her children behave the way they do. That extends the pain to even more people. And she regularly hurts the person who holds her most dear. The person who makes the excuses for her. I don't just ask for Your help for myself. 

There is already too much pain in the world, and I think You understand that in a different way than the other Immortal Ones. I have spent years grieving because I can't save everyone, but I understand that it's true. We need to be safe within our own family, though. It was revealed to me before that some of the ways I've tried to deal with her have been ineffective because my heart isn't there. That I'm just not someone who can cause the very things I want to prevent, not even when it's this important. So I don't know what to do. Maybe I can't actually do anything about her myself. Maybe that's been the flaw in my thinking all along... looking for what I should do, how I could fix things, what action I should take. If I can't do anything about her, I accept that. It doesn't have to be me. But, Mother, none of us should have to live with her causing so much pain. Not even the one who makes excuses for her.