Disappointment

Mother, I want to close myself up and hide, but there's that little reminder - gentle and strong - that I promised to share my vulnerability. And, yes, right now is definitely a vulnerable time. 

I keep waiting. I push my patience. And I get hurt. What seems like it should be a little thing is actually a big thing for me. That "little thing" holds hope and joy, which are greatly needed. It holds a sense of safety, gives me a way to burn off rage and anxiety that currently can't be directed in a healthy way. I need that "little thing", but it keeps drifting around outside of my reach.

I am hurt. I am angry. I don't even know if the anger is fair. I just know it exists. If I had what I'm waiting for, this would be the time to do the work. But I feel myself closing in, trying to find another way to protect me.

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