Back to the Beginning

Mother Hekate, You are Most Honored among the Immortal Ones. I am here as part of keeping my promises to You. 

I was not in a good place when I started keeping this virtual space to honor You. The previous several years had locked me into an ongoing state of trauma. There were changes happening that I had no control of in any way, and those changes were increasing the trauma. And I had no support from those who are to be family. I turned inward, and I focused myself on going deeper with my devotion and doing more to contribute to my relationship with You.

There are times when I think I shouldn't write something here because someone might come across it and think all I ever do is cry and beg for Your help. The thing I haven't considered enough, haven't given enough weight to, is that this space is not for other people. Making it a publicly accessible space isn't for them. It is a space to give honor to You. But even that can lead me to hesitate... Is it giving honor to You if I do things that reflect poorly on You in the minds of others? How will my asking for help and pouring my heart out to You look any better than the people who declare themselves to be immensely powerful because they say the are devoted to You in a more terrifying form?

But, again...this space is not for them. I do not have to please them. I have no promises to them to keep. I only need to follow Your guidance.

And here I am, Mother, feeling like I'm not very far from where I was when I opened this space. I feel like I have traveled a long way, with even more traveling still to be done, but have come back around to where I started. Kind of like The Fool, but not with this wisdom I see them carrying in their return. 

I'm scared, Mother. Scared in the ways I have named when praying at Your shrine. Scared in the ways I have named before here. Scared again. Scared still.

I think that's all I have to say this time. I just need to be honest. I don't have to ask for help or answers. You are always giving me guidance. I just need to open myself to You. I just need to be honest about my fear.