Offerings

Mother Hekate, my soul hurts. My body also hurts, but that's been normal for years. I feel like I do a lot of complaining when I write here, but I promised You I would share my vulnerability. 

We're all very vulnerable right now.

We're waiting to hear if our offer has been accepted. I don't know if the person we're waiting on really understands what we're offering, though. This isn't just money. We're offering our future, our survival. We're offering our trauma. It's a lot more than just money.

I think of the family member - who doesn't usually say things this way - who said, "It will all work out. You guys will get the house that's right for you." The next day, in my meditation, I thought of how, if it's all going to be okay, then it actually already is okay. 

Still...time is running out, and this situation has done damage to each of us in different ways. We're all scared. I learn from experience, and I'm scared of things that might happen even if the bigger situation does go the way we want from here. I'm terrified.

I trust You to guide me...and yet, I'm even kind of scared of that right now. The more I learn about Ganesha, the more I'm afraid I might not understand about You. Not that any of the Shining Ones can be fully understood by humans. But I don't really know where You're leading me, and I don't really know why. I'm kind of scared that this ends soon. That maybe You don't want me devoted to You for the rest of my life. I see patterns, and I'm still confused and sad about Hermes. And I know what I'm afraid of may not be what's happening, and that even if it is You have reasons for it. That's the part where trusting You is a big factor.

I don't know what's happening.

I'm scared.

I trust You.

We have to move.

We have no choice in that.

We need the place we made the offer on.

I look forward to the new room that will be the temple.

I look forward to the lake across the street.

I look forward to being in the place we all think of as "home" again.