Virtual Hekatesion

Glorious Hekate, there is always more for me to learn! So much of the ancient cultures is lost or misunderstood now. People are quick to make assumptions based on very little information. I love to learn. I know I will never completely understand You. I love that I continue learning.  Sometimes, I am confused by where it all takes me. Are You Isis? I don't want to look at things from that view that says similarities mean this is the same entity with different names in different cultures. Other times, that is possible. It would make sense that not all of the Immortal Ones would limit themselves, or be limited in some other way, to one area of the world. But then, I don't understand why any would be limited at all. I do not know the rules Immortal Ones follow. I have some apprehension about persuing things with the doors that have recently been opened for me. But I know You have the keys, and You are my guide. Hekate knows the Gate. Hekate is the Gate. Hekate is the Key and the G...

Thank You, Mother Hekate!  When I felt the pull - as I have felt it before with You and Others - I didn't really understand why. Then I saw the parallels and connections. And just to be sure, I checked the calendar. Yes! I knew why!  I don't really feel confident yet about what to do about this connection, but I know this is the help I asked for! I know this will not be easy. I'm already taking steps, though. I don't know yet how this was put in place, but I am grateful. It's a strange kind of hope this gives me, but it is hope. I don't know what will happen. I trust You to lead the way.

Mother Hekate, I do not necessarily come to You for help, though help would be welcome! I come to You, though, to keep my promise of showing You more of my vulnerability. I know what therapists have said about "handling things well"... I'm good as long as I'm not harming myself or anyone else. And there's that thing I often say about the Hippocratic Oath - "do no harm" isn't always the same as "cause no pain". My writing is causing me a lot of pain. I keep doing it, though. I'm not even having to force myself to do it. I know what I'm doing with this writing is cleaning a wound. Still, part of me asks if I had to clean it now (yes, and I understand why) because everything is hard right now. Not just for me...for everyone. I think the handful of people in the world who don't seem to have it hard are hiding a lot, and maybe not even fully understanding what they are causing for themselves in some cases. It's harder for some pe...

Did I fail him? Am I failing You? Do I give too much attention to Hermes? Am I not understanding You as Einalia? Are You, as Einalia, not the same being as the Water being I understand ? Am I doing the wrong work, and will it cause me to fail my family? Have I failed my familiar? Have I simply imagined Hermes? Am I failing all around? Why am I so worried if I've seen no warnings? Am I missing the warnings? I said I would show vulnerability. Sometimes it shows up like this. And I want to erase it all. I tell myself this is all useless fear and there's no reason to bring it into prayer. But then I wouldn't be keeping my promise.

Mother, You must know how I prayed today. And right now, everything is still too much. But there was a moment tonight when it felt like the Crossroads was open. That moment of having such a small creature at the beginning of her life sleep so peacefully in the same arm where someone else slept through most of the last day of his life. I expect I'll pray more about him later. The pain is too much now. I'm scared to wake up tomorrow, Mother. And I know I'm burying a lot because it's coming faster and harder than I can process it. I know it will hit me later. Please hold me and guide me when it does. I'm scared of who I might be without him. Eight years with him was such a blessing! I'm thankful for having been chosen.

More and more, as years go by, I believe my grandmother had an anxiety disorder. I worry. I worry that I don't pray enough. I worry that I pray too much. I worry that my work isn't good enough for the Immortal Ones. Of course, I am not devoted to all of the Immortal Ones. In fact, while I have an agreement with Hermes and do sometimes honor others, I am only truly devoted to You. I suppose one of the effects of many people leaving Chritianity and moving into modern Paganism that has been merged with the New Age movement is that a lot of people don't understand how that works. I didn't always. And then I worry that I'm not giving enough of my attention to You, even though You are part of so much that I do. Even anything I do with other Immortal Ones comes from my devotion to You. And You haven't sent any messages that I'm straying too far. You have always given me room to figure things out for myself unless I am in need of Your guidance. I just worry. I'm...