Virtual Hekatesion

Glorious, radiant Mother Hekate!  As my learning continues, I've done what I can to keep myself open for signs that I may be misunderstanding something about a connection between You and Maa Durga. More and more, though, I come across things that seem to support my understanding You as the same being. Names, numbers, parallels in stories. Different stories, but that expand on my understanding of You from my devotion to You. The names and numbers are the ones that really hold my attention, though. It gives me joy for my understanding of You to grow! It also puts me in a position where I'm not sure how things may or may not change. Do I still call You Mother Hekate? Do I still include Greek stories about You? That's how things started, and it doesn't seem like the Mother of the Universe would need any stories left out. On the other hand...is this new (for me) understanding of You more pure, or perhaps more accurate? Or am I making this too complicated by looking at it in ...

Glorious Mother Hekate!  Mother, I don't know when a dream carries a message. I will follow the instructions, though, and I pray it will bring what was promised.

Last night was horrible, Mother.  Horrifying.  I'm afraid of what today will be. I'm afraid of what moving forward will be. I'm afraid everything will move too fast. I'm afraid that it won't move at all. I'm afraid the healing is being undone. That I've spent years weaving myself back together, but now the threads are quickly unraveling. I'm afraid of the ones who caused it. I'm afraid of myself. I need Your help, Mother. I have to heal again. And I'm afraid of healing. I'm afraid of not healing. I'm lost, Mother. I look to You for guidance.

Mother, I offer myself to You.  I'm still learning what that means. I have never regretted making the vow. If anything, I was scared that the changes in what's happening spiritually meant You might be releasing me from the vow. If there is ever a reason that would happen, I hope that I would understand and we would be in agreement. I can say at this time, though, that I have been very serious in devoting myself to You, and I do not want to be released. Oh, but I still am learning! Offering my vulnerability to You. Trusting You to guide me. Praying honestly about things I can't be open about with anyone else. Giving these things to You when I have nothing else to give, and understanding that it's not that I'm giving You less... it's that I'm giving You myself. In my daily prayer time, I sometimes worry that I'm not focused enough, or that I'm holding onto human social expectations of giving and reward. But I know I will continue to pray no matter how ...

I briefly debated with myself whether to write this in my journal, or here. There are ways that my journal is like a book full of prayers. As time goes by, I feel I've been growing toward everything being an act of devotion. But my journal was going to be written no matter what. I keep it open to the Shining Ones, Ancestors, and Spirits, but it's not quite the same as how everything I write here is written specifically to share with You. So I decided this should be written here. Offered to You.  Mother, I think maybe the reason I've never found my "purpose" in life is because I always thought it should be one clearly defined thing. My purpose is to wander. To learn. To experience things. I've been doing it all along, thinking it would lead me to where I'm supposed to be, while I was being my Self the whole time. And I love doing that. I want many more years of learning. Truthfully, I want an eternity of it. I know that can't happen in this body, with t...

The question applies in multiple ways, Mother.  We were supposed to be making the move this weekend, but the schedule has been thrown off. And now there's fear that the seller might back out. I'm hoping, though, that she'll decide she has more to lose by backing out and it's a safer bet to give us more time. Stress and trauma are making people sick. And I know it's good, long term, that this ordeal has sparked spiritual growth for me. I am thankful for that. Right now, though, it's not all comforting. I know it's not supposed to be. In fact, that's part of how I know this will be good. But I'm confused right now. I'm thankful for Your guidance. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to follow, though. I don't know how much this will change my devotional practice. I don't know if this virtual space has reached the end of what it's been for. I need to be in our new home, setting up a new physical space. I'm lost and terrified, but I ...

Mother Hekate, I praise You! I am so thankful to have found You in Durga! Not only has this shown me a connection between You and Ganesha, I also feel it can open ways for me to understand You. I know I can never fully understand You, but I want as much as I am capable of.  Mother, I must ask for Your mercy and blessing. Things are going very wrong with it being time for the move, and we are terrified. If there have been things we didn't do right, it's been honest mistakes. The lender has not been explaining things. In some cases, my spouse has even gone beyond what should be rightly expected of them to get what has been requested. We do not have the power to make everything go right in this situation. The people who do have the power have handled it in ways that now put us at risk. Please help us, Mother. We've been working hard to get to our new home. And the woman we are buying the home from has children, and they all need the money. The people who have been mishandling ...

Mother Hekate, I want to end today with gratitude.  I'm thankful for the time that I spend in prayer and meditation. I'm thankful for the new house. We're not there yet, but I've been thankful since we found it. I'm thankful for elephants. I'm thankful for my plant friends. I'm thankful for octopodes, humpback whales, manta rays, and sea turtles. I'm thankful for catfish. I'm thankful for koi. I'm thankful for rocks. I'm thankful for Ganesha. I'm thankful for all my years so far with You. I'm thankful for everything Hermes has done for us in these past six years. I'm thankful for the Lake Monster. I'm thankful for being thankful.

Thousands of offenses are committed by me day and night; considering me Your servant, O Supreme Goddess, forgive them all. I know not how to invoke You, nor how to bid You farewell, nor even how to worship You; forgive me, O Supreme Goddess. O Goddess of the gods, though my worship lacked mantra, rite, and devotion, may whatever I have offered be made complete. Even one who commits a hundred offenses, if they call out 'Mother of the Universe,' attains a state not reached even by Brahma and the gods. Full of faults, I have taken refuge in You, O Mother of the Universe; I am now worthy of compassion — do with me as You wish. Whatever I have done wrongly, too little or too much, through ignorance, forgetfulness, or delusion — forgive it all and be gracious, O Supreme Goddess. O Kameshvari, Mother of the World, embodiment of being-consciousness-bliss, accept this worship with love and be gracious, O Supreme Goddess. O guardian of the most secret of secrets, accept the prayer I have...

Khaire Mother Hekate!  Thank You for Your guidance, Mother. While I don't see things as just one pantheon of Shining Ones with different names in different cultures, I do believe some Shining Ones have multiple roles throughout the world. And You, Mother, are not generally limited by lines anyone draws. As I step with more awareness into my devotion to Ganesha, this has raised questions for me. Learning about Maa Durga and the Night Nights gives me more of a feeling for where I might find You in these stories. The arrival on a bull didn't not go unrecognized by me. I don't know where this is all going. I don't know where I'm being led, what I'm being trained for... But I trust You, and I trust Ganesha. And so I thank You.

Mother Hekate, I thank You and praise You! You have guided me again and again, including times when I was unaware. Even now, as scared and confused as I am, I trust that You are still guiding me.  We lost a member of our family today. The way she came to us was very special, and I thought she would be going home with us. I know my mind often assigns meaning to things as a way of trying to create a structure I can process. I also know I often understand things as they happen in ways that don't become clear to other people until much later. Part of me wonders if this family member bought our way back home, or if her job here was finished because we are going home. The parallels in how she joined us and when she left stand out.  And there's another part of me that says I'm grasping at things because we don't have time to grieve. Whichever it is, Mother - or whatever else it may be - she is with You. There's still a certain level of fear about our future because going h...

Is it too early to be happy? I'm honestly scared of that at this point.  Oh, but I look forward to the stairs! To having our own world on that second floor! To the new temple! I know a lot of words (large and diverse vocabulary), but even I can't think of words that truly express my gratitude!

Mother Hekate, my soul hurts. My body also hurts, but that's been normal for years. I feel like I do a lot of complaining when I write here, but I promised You I would share my vulnerability.  We're all very vulnerable right now. We're waiting to hear if our offer has been accepted. I don't know if the person we're waiting on really understands what we're offering, though. This isn't just money. We're offering our future, our survival. We're offering our trauma. It's a lot more than just money. I think of the family member - who doesn't usually say things this way - who said, "It will all work out. You guys will get the house that's right for you." The next day, in my meditation, I thought of how, if it's all going to be okay, then it actually already is okay.  Still...time is running out, and this situation has done damage to each of us in different ways. We're all scared. I learn from experience, and I'm scared of ...

Kleidoukhos - So many, many times I have said in my prayers that You are the Keeper of the Keys that unlock the Cosmic Mysteries. I didn't realize I was misunderstanding "Mysteries".  I used to misunderstand ancient Mystery rituals as being secrets that were kept from the uninitiated, or those who were initiates of whichever group but had not progressed far enough. I eventually came to understand that those things could be factors in who did or did not participate, but Mystery was about Truth that had to be experienced and meditated on, usually repeatedly because a change in understanding could open opportunities for new knowledge from the same information. Kind of a never stepping into the same river twice thing.  But I still misunderstood the word when praising You. Or only understood the smallest hint of it. I simply thought of it as You knowing everything in ways that would likely remain mysteries to humans, and that included things we don't even think of because ...

Mother, I have used this before to honor You, and I do so again.  Hekate is the Gate. Hekate is the Key and the Guardian of the Gate. Past, Present, Future All are Hekate. In Lovecraft's mind, the Mythos was not the Cthulhu Mythos. It was the Yog-Sothoth Mythos. These days, fans treat Yog-Sothoth like a barely present technicality in the structure of the worldbuilding. Other Old Ones are more exciting! And they show up more in stories, so there's more information. Oh, but Mother, You know how I'm drawn to gatekeepers. Of course I noticed how that little verse of text applies to You! It is my being drawn to gatekeepers that is on my mind. I say that I am only devoted to one deity - Yourself - and that other relationships with Shining Ones are a less locked in experience. (I've been struggling with what that means about Hermes, with the way plans have changed for us moving.) But I've been wondering for a few days now...am I devoted to Ganesha? Is it something that bec...

A multiple of 3 that reduces to 3. A new moon solar eclipse. Praise Hekate!

Mother Hekate, I wanted to offer a poem to You today, but the words wouldn't flow. The intention was there, as well as effort, but there's just no tangible result. So I offer You what I carry in my heart.  I saw something a few days ago that said, "I know it is a blessing to feel everything so deeply, but wtf?" Oh, I feel that! Maybe I'm just a little bit jealous that I didn't write it myself. I'm kind of acting as mental and emotional support for the other three people for now. (I know...I never count one of them. I do not believe he belongs here, and he is not part of the group.) I don't think it's draining me (yet), but maybe it is. Maybe it's a slow drain. Or maybe I'm just being drained by everything and can't sort it out right now. Sorting things is definitely draining. It's been the physical work. Today, though, I had to sort things that had been tucked away for emotional reasons. The last card from my dad. The pictures of th...

I thought it was all of the unresolved past that's tied up in us having to leave, and why we had to come here. Then I thought it might be direction to call upon the Ancestors more, though that raised a few more questions and didn't really answer anything.  I woke up today knowing what I needed to do. It was such a Not Me thing that there's been surprise that I did it! The information I got was not what we wanted, but I've been told I did the right thing and have been very helpful. That it was needed. That I did the hard work. And in that information I got...Oh! Unresolved past! Big work that is needed! Were You warning me, Mother? Did I follow Your message?  If I have understood it properly, I thank You for Your guidance. If I have still missed the message, please lead me to clarity.

Glorious Hekate. Soul of rhe World. Unconquerable Queen. Mother. Sharing my vulnerability is even harder than I thought it would be. Worrying, second guessing myself, trying not to let the habits that have been necessary for survival for so long take over. But it is not a promise I regret making. I have no misgivings about holding to it. I'm thankful that I made this promise. I'm thankful for the safety I experience in keeping it. Often lately, I find that when I take time in the day for gratitude, I'm thankful for being devoted to You. I'm thankful for having space for devotion to You, other Shining Ones, and the Ancestors. I'm thankful for being aware of house spirits. I'm thankful for being thankful. That gratitude is so precious. I don't want to lose it in all this stress. I think setting the habit of taking that time each day will help me not lose it. I feel that I'm already becoming overstressed, and I feel what my fear is doing to me. In some ways...

Do I sound like I'm trying to bribe You if I say I can serve You better from this place we're hoping to move to? I honestly worry about what the truth might sound like in stressful situations. And do I even really know what it is to serve You? It's not exactly a secret between us that I've worried about that for a long time. Always concerned that I'm convincing myself, but that You would have something different to say.  Then I look at it all again... How You have so many forms, and how You are the Soul of the World. How You have protected and guided me. How I have no doubts about devoting myself to You, not even when I have doubts about how I express my devotion. Do I truly believe I can serve You better in the place we want to move to? Yes, I do. It's a place where we can be safe, heal, and thrive. A place that puts me out in the woods and close to water. A place that gives me opportunities I haven't had in years, and other opportunities I've never had...